Grief is love. Love is grief.

Today, December 20th, is Grey’s birthday, it was– and will always be the greatest day of my life. Grey made all of my hopes and dreams come true, he showed me love in a way I never thought possible. When my mom said to me, “You’ll understand when you have kids” I got it.

I finally got it.

When my counselor asked me the other day about my relationship with my parents I told her the number one thing that they did right was letting me know, always, that I was loved.

I’ve read a lot lately on how grief is love. I have been having a hard time wrapping my mind around that idea. How can my grief be love? I think of the music that I listen to that makes me think of Grey– they are all love songs. The themes are the same: longing for a lover, the agony and beauty that love can cause, the crazy way it can make you behave.

“Love is positive and amazing, yes, but it can also cause the worst kind of pain.

Perhaps the most painful kind of love is called grief, which happens when the object of a person’s love is taken away with no hope for return.

Grief is love.

Grief is love and the confusion caused by not knowing how to love someone who is gone. Grief is love’s frustration, bitterness, anger, and resentment at death’s destruction. Grief is love realizing, if it wants to thrive, it has to be creative and find new ways to connect and be fulfilled. Grief is love’s unwillingness to give up.  It’s stretching bonds and redefining limits in order to create a space where you can love someone in their eternal absence.”   [excerpt from]

Love has truly helped me cope and my love for Grey keeps me moving forward. I think to myself–how can I honor him? How can I express my love for him now and in the future? Most of you know that it is my mission to raise awareness about the mystery of SIDS, please see my previous posts about this topic, and it is currently the most important way for me to cope. They say it takes a village to raise a child, well – I think it takes a village to support a parent that has lost a child. I have gone to very dark places since losing Grey and I have had to remind myself that I am loved to help me get past the aching pain. So thank you to all of my support system for love, thank you Grey, I am eternally grateful.

Love, love, love you my son.




5 thoughts on “Grief is love. Love is grief.”

  1. You have no idea how often your story has crossed my mind or how it makes me cry for you. I cannot imagine how you get through sometimes, and I know you don’t know either. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure it’s cathartic for you and it just reminds me to love stronger every day.


  2. This is so beautiful.. your words, your strength, your love! Everything about you! I’m sitting at my desk staring at yours with big tears! I hold you so tightly and I will carry Grey in my heart forever!
    I love you friend.


  3. Another beautiful post Sash. This perspective on grief makes it feel profound instead of just heartbreaking and hard. Thinking about you and your family.


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